These are my faculty meeting notes. I can't write them all that fast, because that would raise suspicion. Even though my boss does enjoy -- as many in admin do -- having their head lodged firmly in his colon, he would still probably be able to suss out that he doesn't have quite this much information to give.
As per usual, this "meeting" is purely for dissemination purposes only. He could have done it in an email. The reasons he does not do this are, I suspect, two-fold.
1. As he repeatedly reminds us, attendance at these meetings is "contractually obligated." (Are the hours at home I spend correcting "contractually obligated"? Perhaps not. Perhaps I shall no longer correct anything.)
2. With emails, all one has to do to question or reply is type it out and hit "send." Here, one risks his ire; e.g., This-this is simply not the time for that question. Or, as was the case once, yelling. I don't remember his words, just the fact that his face turned an unhealthy shade of over-ripe tomato paste.
So, now that we're into the second half hour of the "meeting," here is a list I've made of alternate ways to pass the time:
1. Get
that pesky popcorn kernel from “lunch” out from between those molars.
2. Pretend
to take notes by lowering (shutting) your eyes and moving your pen over your
paper. (Although what I'm doing now is equally effective.)
3. Pretend
to take notes by drawing stick figures of your boss(es).
4. Pretend
to take notes by drawing stick figures of your boss(es) exploding from
spontaneous human combustion induced from the amount of hot air within.
5. Contemplate
how long it would take the Earth to die from an asteroid hit.
6. Name
your fingers. (Middle names optional.)
7. Assign
your colleagues spirit animals.
8. Practice
using The Force.
9. Think of places to go other than here. I have friends in Vermont. They say it's nice there.
10. Remind yourself that it could be worse. You could be your boss.
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